“Villainy” Excerpts for The Derivative

Andrea Abi-Karam

Artwork: Maxime Hourani, still from "HOMO FINIS", Film, 2022.

You fuck me with your entire hand in a room full of the dead. The dead are inside boxes behind glass. You fuck me so we can feel for one second that our friends are not dead. That they are living inside of us. A security guard approaches & you stop. I pull you up from the floor by the lapels of your leather jacket. Face covered in cum. I exhale & absorb our dead friends into my body like you opened up a gateway for their arrival. I absorb them into my body & hope they will stay. & that they are happy & dry & warm. I give up the possibility of sleep for myself in an effort to make an environment for my dead friends. A social space. A closed world.

.

a slow song comes on. it’s called the leaving song. the crowd pushes forward but there is no longer a forward to brake into. the crowd tries anyway until my feet are no longer on the floor & your feet are no longer on the floor & I press my hand against your cock while I am pressed against so many other people & so many other people are pressed against you/ some of them are the same & some of them are just more & our feet are off the ground. you are moaning. some of the mass is concerned that you are going to pass out that the possibility of (a singularity unbecoming) unbecoming a singularity is beyond the present. is too soon. our feet are off the ground. the crowd pushes forward your cum covers my hand the others pressed against me cover the back of my neck in sweat you begin to fall & I pull you up so you don’t fall beneath the feet of the expanded self

.

THE PARALLEL BETWEEN BODY AND EARTH

I DIG A W/HOLE TO FEEL ENCLOSURE
I DIG A W/HOLE TO MAKE A CONTAINER FOR THE PARTS OF
MYSELF DRIBBLING OUT OF THE BUILDING & ACROSS
THE SIDEWALK
I DIG A W/HOLE TO FIND A DARKNESS
I CAN FALL ASLEEP WITHIN
I DIG A W/HOLE & THEN BLOW IT UP
SO THAT I MIGHT FIT ALL OF
MY PARTS INTO IT
EVEN THE STUFF DRIBBLING OUT ACROSS THE SIDEWALK
I NEED TO FIND
ALL OF MY PARTS
FIRST
BEFORE I KNOW IF I WILL FIT INTO IT
I DIG A W/HOLE IN THE SIDE OF A MOUNTAIN
BUT I CAN’T EVEN REACH IT
I DIG A W/HOLE IN THE GROUND IN THE SHAPE OF MYSELF
BUT I STILL CANNOT STUFF MYSELF INSIDE OF IT
I DIG A W/HOLE MAYBE BIG ENOUGH BUT WHEN I LEFT
TO GO LOOK FOR THE REST OF MY PARTS I COULD NOT
FIND MY WAY BACK TO IT
I FOUND THE TRAIL OF DIRT BACK TO THE W/HOLE
BUT I KEPT DROPPING MY PARTS ALONGSIDE IT
I SEE SMOKE & THINK I HAVE FOUND MY WAY BACK
BUT WHEN I STEP CLOSER I FIND MY OUTLINE HAS
DISAPPEARED
& I AM LOSING MY PARTS FASTER & FASTER &
IT IS BECOMING HARDER & HARDER TO
REPLACE THEM
THE BROKEN PARTS OF MY OUTLINE SIT DOWN ON THE
DIRT HAPHAZARDLY & WAIT TO RECONNECT
I JUST HOPE THERE IS ENOUGH OF ME LEFT

//////

.

oh you know, dig me out
so i might climb inside
so i can split apart my ribs
& lay down FLAT

what’s beyond the screen/what’s beyond the scene

.

I CAN HEAR THE PALM OF YR HAND DRAG ALONG THE WALL
RED INK GETTING TRAPPED BETWEEN YR FINGERS

I DRAG MY HANDS DOWN FROM ABOVE
MY HEAD / ALONGSIDE EACH OTHER THEY DON’T
ALWAYS CATCH AT THE SAME PLACE / ALONG THE DRAG

BLOOD SIGN / BLOOD INSIDE / BLOOD OUTSIDE

DIG / DISFIGUREMENT / OUTLINES / CARVE / CRAVE

LEAVE BEHIND

DARK & DISFIGURED

CLIMB

INSIDE

A SCREEN IN THE GREEN
A GREEN SCREEN
HORROR MOVIE RED
PROJECTED INTO THE TREE TRUNK

.

THIS

SHOULD

NOT

BE

HARD

ON

YR

BODY

.

ABOVE & BELOW

INSIDE & OUTSIDE

CLIMBING IN

FALLING OUT

MY HEAD IS TWISTED BUT I’M STILL NOT LOOKING BACK
BUT IT’S STILL NOT TIME TO GO THROUGH I’M STILL

PARTWAY SUBMERGED

IN THE WRONG STILL

I’M STILL PARTWAY SUBMERGED

IN THE WRONG SET OF OUTLINES

I’M STILL

PARTWAY SUBMERGED IN THE WRONG WORLD
I LOOK UPON MY OWN DISFIGUREMENT &

SINK ALL THE WAY THROUGH